Away from the trade for a couple of months, Andy the apprentice has gone soft. "It's quarter past six," he cries with the sort of anguish more properly retained for funerals. It's quarter past six and all Andy wants is a little more time in bed to dream his Food Dream™ and the promise of "a good old-fashioned Mystery Box".

Celebrity chefs still know squat about food safety. Ten years after we showed the majority of celebrity chefs were food safety imbeciles, foodie fanaticism (and fascism) continues unabated, with fashion still triumphing over facts. And it’s getting worse.

Salad stigma persists in Germany. A bad salad at a German hotel might have caused the food poisoning that sickened 10 players of European Championship co-host Ukraine before their final warm-up game against Turkey on Tuesday.

After quite a point at the French Open – 38 strokes over nearly a minute – France's Richard Gasquet vomited right there on Court Suzanne Lenglen. His opponent, Bulgaria's Grigor Dimitrov, collapsed with a leg cramp and crawled on his hands and knees to a line judge's chair.

From Funny or Die, via Grub St.