Intertubes have prevented so many bar fights.

In the past, someone would assert John Fogerty was singing, “There’s a bathroom on the right,” when he was really singing, “There’s a bad moon on the rise.”

Now, check the web, lyrics are there, punches avoided. But arguments in the absence of data continue, predominantly on dumb cooking shows.

The MasterChef franchise has extended to Australia and New Zealand. I don’t watch it but saw this story from the New Zealand Herald where the eliminated contestant made protestations that his chicken was perfect, while the judges disagreed.

“Controversial MasterChef contestant Tony Price has hit out at the reality show's judges after he was eliminated for serving "slightly undercooked" chicken.

“Price was told he was being sent home after last night's tense cookbook challenge because his spicy Spanish chicken dish was undercooked.

But Price - who sparked a nationwide debate about "narking" after dobbing in two contestants for cheating in last week's Singapore-based challenge - today told nzherald.co.nz his chicken dish was "cooked to perfection."

"I knew then that I didn't serve undercooked chicken and I still know now that it wasn't undercooked," he said.

"It was moist all the way through. It was in an oven at 200 degrees for 35 minutes - that's after I'd browned it off in a pan - then it went into a resting oven for another 30 minutes at 70 degrees.

"It can't not have been cooked - it's a matter of physics and maths."

Price, an Auckland resident who is now cooking fulltime, said the judges should have criticised him for putting them at risk of salmonella - a food bug which can be caught by eating raw chicken.

"If (chicken) isn't cooked, you can't eat it. That's a black and white thing. If it wasn't cooked through enough to get me eliminated, they should have been slamming me for having put them in a dangerous situation (because) they ate so much of it.

There’s an easy, data-based solution: use a tip-sensitive digital thermometer.

I have no idea what narking or dobbing mean.  

I made a new friend last night in Germany, especially when I taunted him for saying the best music to come out of Canada was Rush.

I knew Rush was big in Europe, but not the best thing to come out of Canada when competing against The Guess Who, The Band, Neil Young, Sloan, Tragically Hip, Blue Rodeo, Max Webster, David Wilcox, Teenage Head, Martha and the Muffins, and Alanis (in her early Debbie-Gibson-inspired-mall-dancing version).

At least I didn’t do my patented falsetto karaoke of Greedy Lee singing Closer to the Heart (And the men who hold high places …).

I also taunted my new friend for his lack of hockey knowledge, and proclaimed that all other sports would be far more interesting with full body contact – tennis, golf, baseball, basketball, lawn bowling and shuffleboard.

But the closest thing to the speed and mayhem of hockey that I’ve found is Australian rules football – AFL.

Fans will be relieved to know that West Coast midfielder Daniel Kerr is back to normal after overcoming a worrying case of food poisoning, but fellow on-baller Matt Priddis remains in doubt for Sunday's AFL clash with St Kilda at Patersons Stadium.

Not only do they write like that down here, they talk like that. It’ll be awhile before I learn Australian.

AAP reported that Kerr's eyes almost closed over and his face was left heavily swollen after suffering an adverse reaction to a meal on Monday, with teammate Nic Naitanui posting a graphic picture of Kerr's plight on twitter.

Eagles' coach John Worsfold was unsure what food caused the allergic reaction, but said West Coast's medical staff treated the problem and Kerr had since made a full recovery. 

Maybe he shouldn’t have played with a temperature of 102F.

Ben Chew of NBC reports the world of Major League Soccer had its first memorable upchuck moment this week as New England Revolution defender Kevin Alston, in a game against the Colorado Rapids, decided to empty the contents of his stomach during a stoppage of play.

To note, the video clip is not for the squeamish or people who puke easily after seeing someone else vomit:

After the match, Revolution head coach Jay Heaps commented on the puke seen around Foxborough:

“It wasn’t pretty. He just went into a coughing fit and I didn’t know this before the game. So he played through a 102 temperature, and when he got hit, he went into a coughing fit that’s why he got sick.”

Dr. Oz tells Margaret not to eat raw meat straight out of the package but steak tartare is OK, Joy on the Foodtard Network is more concerned about creating grill marks on steaks than safety, especially cross-contamination, and Heston is a hero to most but norovirus-boy still don’t mean much to me.