My iPhone is a Blackberry with an iPod nano duct-taped to the back. Amy has an iPod Touch duct-taped to her Blackberry. iPhones are only available through AT&T, and we’re happy with T-Mobile.

The Brits have a problem with vomit: people do it too often and in public, often outside the pub.

So, as reported by The Register,

Digital democracy charity MySociety has launched an iPhone app version of its successful FixMyStreet website. FixMyStreet encourages users to upload pictures of graffiti, fly tipping, dog fouling and other eyesores and hazards. It passes the information on to authorities, and claims about half the reports result in action.

On iPhone, the process has been simplified by combining the picture with GPS data to instantly report problems over the air, rather than having to visit the FixMyStreet website and pinpoint the location on a map. The relevant council will be alerted automatically.

I want an iPhone app for food safety violations so the authorities could be quickly alerted to food safety problems in restaurants, grocery stores, farms and my mom’s kitchen.

Amy’s first meal after returning home with baby Sorenne? A snack spread of soft goat cheese with bite-sized pate and beet sandwiches, something I picked up from my Danish mentor, John Kierkegaard, back when I worked as a carpenter’s helper.

Smoked salmon or turkey breast, with tomato slices and fresh basil was on the menu for breakfast. That should cover many of the potentially listeria-laden foods that pregnant women shouldn’t eat for nine months. But you won’t hear that from listeria expert Michael McCain of Maple Leaf Foods, who is still strangely silent on the tough questions.

Amy’s mom was here for the birth and that turned out to be awesomely cool. But she did have to fly home through the Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport, which according to KNXV-TV, contains numerous restaurants with “major health violations.  In some cases, repeatedly failing to follow health code requirements. …

“Famous Familigia in Terminal 4 received 17 major violations including ‘deli slicer soiled with food debris’ and 12 of 15 employees ‘without food service worker cards. …’

“In October 2008, the Kokopelli Deli in Terminal 3 was cited after an employee ‘washed his hands then brushed his teeth with his fingers then went to work with food.’  In Terminal 4 at Flo’s Shanghai Cafe, employees were caught ‘cutting chicken with bare hand,’ ‘portioning peanuts onto chicken bare handed.’”

If you’re waiting on an e-mail reply from me on anything in particular, you may be waiting awhile longer. And while my usual e-mail style is terse, typing one-handed means the responses will be terserer. It’s nothing personal, just a baby thing. Really. It’s not you, it’s me. Really.

Don’t slaughter goats in the restaurant kitchen; don’t moon drive-through customers at the Dairy Queen, and don’t make your girls gone wild demo tape in the commercial dishwashing sink at the KFC where you work.

Three Anderson, California girls (right) decided to go for a dip in the sink at the local Kentucky Fried Chicken, and one of the girls thought only her close friends who would never tell would see the pics so she decided to share on MySpace.

The Redding Record Searchlight reports the photos had been filed under a gallery called “KFC moments.” Captions for the photos included “haha KFC showers!” and “haha we turned on the jets.” …

Although the pictures were available to the public earlier today, all of the photos on the girl’s site were restricted to private viewers tonight.

Some new New York restaurant is going to offer wine and beer in baby bottles to diners.

The New York Times described the impending birth of La Cave des Fondus, an underground crib at Prince and Elizabeth Streets, as “a faithful homage to the Montmartre restaurant Le Refuge des Fondus, where Parisians enthusiastically suck down the house red and white."

The owner of the Manhatten playpen said,

“I wanted to set up my place exactly like the one in Paris. It’s such a fun place. Everybody loves drinking beer and wine from baby bottles - even my father thought it was fun - and I think New Yorkers will like it too. I checked with the health department and as long as we put the bottles in the dishwasher they have no problem with it.”

Shouldn’t these geniuses be figuring out a way to deliver beer and wine through the breast? Everyone knows breastfeeding is best for babies.

A woman smuggled a sedated monkey under her blouse in a flight from Thailand to Los Angeles, pretending to be pregnant.

Gypsy Lawson, 29, passed through U.S. customs with her mother and the monkey on Nov. 28, 2007.

Lawson was arrested after boasting to a clothing store salesperson about her accomplishments. Both women were charged guilty of conspiracy and smuggling goods into the United States.

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service regulates the import of animals on a federal level, although there are also state restrictions. The import of animals is highly regulated to prevent diseases and the introduction of an invasive species, or to protect endangered or threatened species.

The rhesus macaque is not an endangered species, but it can transmit diseases.

“The callousness and intent these people showed in carrying out their plan was egregious and placed at risk not only wildlife but potentially the health of other passengers on the plane and in their community,” said Paul Chang, special agent in charge of law enforcement for the Pacific Region of the FWS. “These animals are known carriers of viruses and parasites that can be transmitted to humans, although this particular animal tested negative.”

All wildlife, including rhesus macaques, must be declared to CBP at the port of first arrival in the United States. When importing any wildlife, importers or their agents must file a completed Declaration for Importation or Exportation of Fish and Wildlife.

The smuggling conviction carries a maximum penalty of 20 years in prison and a $250,000 fine. The conspiracy charge carries a maximum penalty of up to five years and a $250,000 fine.

Despite fines that smugglers face, there are millions of animals smuggled across the border illegally, according to Buzzle.com. The $10 billion-a-year black market for non-native animals is second only to illegal drugs.

I can hardly wait to lose the baby weight. Mine. I took sympathetic pregnancy a bit too far and really packed on the pounds.

But now that Sorenne has arrived, this morning, as Amy was going into week 42, I can begin my walk-around-with baby exercise regime. Weighing in at 9 lbs. 9 ounces, she’ll be a good workout. Mother and baby are fine.
 

A food safety friend wrote me over Thanksgiving to say that his wife was visiting family in Florida, and had gotten into an argument with mom over how best to thaw the Thanksgiving bird.

“Her mother decided that there was no room in the fridge, so she did the next best thing, throwing the turkey into the swimming pool to thaw. It wasn’t heated, so the water was in the low 60s. The good news is that we convinced mom to rescue the bird from the pool. The bad news -- we did not get a picture of the floating turkey.”

Then there’s my friend Steve, who is a moustache aficionado. The more we say he looks like an extra in Super Troopers, the more he defends the facial hair.

Steve works for the Ontario government arranging hockey times for about a dozen different teams and reading FSnet. He also does something with fish.

Steve noticed that a CSPI press release said to cook poultry to 180F, when the correct temperature is 165F. CSPI also parrots government by saying never thaw on a counter. Show us the data.

Here’s Steve in action with some visiting Russian team. As Chapman correctly notes, this photo perfectly exhibits Naylor:

• opposition has puck;
• puck is in Naylor's defensive zone;
• Naylor has his head down, breaking to the other blueline ready to get a pass; and,
• Naylor is playing defense.
 

A text message proved effective in alerting thousands of students about last month's norovirus outbreak at Hope College.

Hope College officials informed the Health Department they had a database that contained all of the students email and text messaging addresses. 3600 students were notified at once.

Students were asked via text message to reply to an email detailing their symptoms and how long they were ill.

The Health Department says in the end about 540 students responded. Officials say the information was crucial for determining a plan of action and slowing the spread of the virus.
 

DNA fingerprinting is awesome.

It takes the ambiguity out of parenthood, crime, and skin and fingernails in salad.

A customer was eating at Pizza Express in West Wickham High Street when she bit into something hard and chewy.

She removed it from her mouth and found something resembling a piece of human skin with part of a nail attached.

DNA testing linked the half-inch piece of skin to the restaurant’s chef, Nicalau Vandley, who had cut his finger while chopping red peppers two days before the salad was served on January 1 this year.

Pizza Express admitted selling food unfit for human consumption and was fined £7,500 at Bromley Magistrates’ Court December 3.

How exactly the skin ended up in the salad is not known.